Respond with Intention
As adults, we crave independence and want autonomy. We don’t like anyone telling us what to do. When we are told what to do, it feels like a threat to our freedom, like we are being held back or limited. At the same time, we have a need to share our expertise and to solve other peoples’ problems. It is in our nature to tell people what to do. What a dichotomy!
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou
When an employee comes to you with a challenge or problem, your INTENTION might be to jump in and help by telling them what / how to move forward. You might even think it is best to show them how by doing it for them. Your employee might PERCEIVE this as a lack of trust, that you lack confidence in their ability, or that you do not think they are capable. This perception could lead to your employee coming to you to solve more problems and to depend on you, rather than having the confidence to take initiative.
As a leader, remember what it feels like to be told what and how to do things. Is that how you want your employees to feel? Most likely, not. You probably want them to to feel capable and as though they have the potential to achieve their goals. Shift your approach from fulfilling your needs (telling them what to do), to fulfill their needs. Be a catalyst - a person or thing that precipitates an event. Hold yourself back from sharing your thoughts and be more intention about how you respond. There are many options you can use to respond to your employee before feeling like you need to jump in and resolve their challenge or problem. Below are just a few options. I encourage you to experiment with each of these different approaches to see how you might be able to help your employees feel capable and full of potential.
Ways to Respond with Intention:
Brainstorm
When using this tool, you will invite your employee to generate as many ideas, plans, alternative action and solutions as possible. This is a great response when they come to you for an answer or when they are stuck. It requires them to switch from the analytical side (left) of their brain to the creative side (right) of their brain. With brainstorming, there is no evaluating, just a generation of ideas.
Reflect
Reflecting is something that you should be doing frequently with your employees. It is about helping them to become more aware of something they did, to get more from the experience. By doing this frequently, you can influence them to begin doing it on their own. This allows them to see progress for themselves. Asking them to reflect will help them think about their success.
How are you feeling about...
What thoughts do you have about...
Reframe
We all see things from a different perspective. Our perspective is based on all of our life experiences and is unique to each one of us. You can change how you feel about something (which will impact performance) simply by looking at it differently. It's a conscious choice we can make. This is simply a matter of asking them to see things differently by "framing" it in a new way - a way that empowers them to be more positive. You can reframe it for them or ask questions to help them reframe for themselves.
Inspire
Use this when you want to stimulate and lift your employee to a new level of creativity and energy. Inspire them to see the absolute best in themselves, the gifts they have. It’s all about seeing and acknowledging their greatness. This can be used to motivate them or build their esteem. See and then verbalize their greatness.
Champion
This is something you will do before a task or goal is completed. It is cheerleading based on a specific task or goal. This helps bring out to best in your employee and shows you have faith in their ability. It might sound something like this:
You have done it before, you can do it again!
I believe in your ability to get this done!
Don't hold back, this is the time to go for it!
Celebrate
This is a way of honoring their accomplishments. They might not appreciate what they've done, or realize their ability to make a decision and follow through. It could also be used just to take a breath and appreciate the accomplishment of a goal. Celebrate growth by verbally recognizing what they did or didn't do and standing up for them when they doubt themselves or question their abilities. It's a deserved pat on the back.
Vision
This can be such a powerful tool, you may not think it has a place but I will challenge you on that thought! When visioning, you will help your employee create a picture of the future that will excite and inspire them to move forward. The power comes from them being able to "see" themselves and feel what their picture of success is. This can be done broadly (i.e. success in role) or very specifically (i.e. project or task). Here is what is might sound like:
What might your ideal look like?
What does great look like?
If this went exactly as you wanted, what would it look like?
Again, there are many ways to react with intention. My challenge to you is to exhaust these options before you jump in and fix their problem. Shift your mindset from “they need my help” to “they are capable and full of potential”.
The content in this blog is part of the leadership development course, Empowering Others: Core Coaching Skills.
Other Resources
Respond don’t React - Blog
Stop Telling Your Employees What to Do - Article