Having trouble handling stress in your life? Well really, who could blame you? Most people are these days. The thing is, stress itself is not the problem. How you choose to react to stress is the problem, and it’s different for everyone. A stressful situation for one person might not even be noticed by another, and another might find it exciting. Ideally, what you really want is to have less of a reaction to stress - the tension and anxiety that makes your body and mind feel drained and at the mercy of the situation.

Your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions are either destructive (tearing down / counterproductive) or constructive (building up / productive) depending on how you interpret a situation. The way you interpret a situation is based on the cumulation of your life experiences. We each view things through our own set of lenses, and we use these lenses to form our perception - this typically happens unconsciously. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, it is actually a choice.

Let’s take a look at an example. The facts of the situation are:

1. Alarm clock did not get set last night.

2. A car cut me off while I was driving.

3. 10 people attended my training.

And here are two very different reactions to those 3 facts:

REACTION 1: “I forgot to set my alarm clock and was so mad at myself. The car in front of me cut me off and I screamed at him. I get here and there are only 10 people here—what a waste of my time to talk to so few people.”

REACTION 2: “I woke up a little later than planned because I didn’t set my alarm, so I woke up really refreshed. As I was driving here, the car in front of me cut me off. I calmly let him go, thinking that he must have something very important to get to. I get here and there are 10 people here– I’m so excited to have the opportunity to share my knowledge with them.”

The same start to the day but two very different reactions to the situation. It’s a choice. Your perception of the situation and how your respond, is a choice. With the first reaction, the stressful situation presents itself and the view I chose was negative, destructive - not helpful. With the second reaction, the same stressful situation presented itself and the view I chose was positive and productive.

Our reaction to a situation typically happens unconsciously and as such, your first step is to become more aware. Begin to notice the choices you are making in different stressful situations - do not judge, just notice. It has taken you a lifetime to build up your reactions, and it will take awareness, acceptance and a willingness to change. It will take intention.

As you build awareness, you might notice that you often react in a way that is destructive (or counterproductive) or you might notice that you are not performing at your best. If this is the case, consider each of the following 6 categories to determine where your stress is connected.

Spiritual - when your direction, purpose, values are at odds with what you’re doing. . .things that affect your human spirit / soul

Mental - multitasking, conflicting demands, stretched too thin. . .things that are carried out or take place in your brain

Emotional - misperceptions of things that happen to you, needs not met. . .things relating to your emotions

Physical - body can’t function well enough. . .things that allow your body to move in they was you like it to

Social - social conditions aren’t optimal. . .things related to the people around you

Environmental - conditions aren’t optimal. . .things related to the world around you

Which of these six categories is holding you back and keeping you from performing at your best? Once you are clear on which area is affecting your performance, consider which of the following choices you want to make about the situation:

1. Suffer - be a victim to it.

2. Avoid the situation - you don’t always have to play, you can opt out.

3. Change the situation - do what you can to change it, to bring it or move it closer to resolution.

4. Alter your experience - if you look at it differently, the experience changes.

5. Accept it - ask yourself, “will it matter in a year? or a week? Get some perspective.

When it comes to stress, remember - you have a choice!

This is my interpretation of the copyrighted work of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).

Other Resources

To Lead Better Under Stress, Understand Your Three Selves - HBR Article

All it takes is 10 mindful minutes - TED Talk Video

6 Types of External Influencers - LinkedIn Article