Doing the Best We Can
You can find the spruce tree (pictured with this blog) a couple hundred miles under the artic circle, just below the tree line of Denali which is right on the edge of where trees are capable of growing. The elevation and altitude are high, the winters are cold with over 80 inches of heavy snow each year. Temperatures can be as low at -40 degrees with very little daylight. The winters are long and the growing season is very short. At first glance the spruce might not look like much. It hasn’t grown as tall as the majestic Sequoia’s and the limbs are more like the spices of a cactus. These spruce trees are doing the best they can.
Most of us are highly critical of ourselves, believing we should be “better.” We judge what and how we say things, get disappointed with our performance, and then mad at ourselves for not being more patient. We give all our energy over to judgement. What might be different if Instead of directing energy toward judgement, you practiced acceptance? What would change if you were able to accept that in the moment, you did the best that you could? What if you let go of all judgement of yourself?
Rationally, we know that judgement is not productive. We know it is much more productive to consider the lesson, or ask “what can be learned from this experience?” than to judge yourself and say “I can’t believe I messed that up.” Judgement is not helpful, yet we do it all the time.
Acceptance of yourself removes pressure from the unreasonable expectations you place on yourself. You don’t have to be, do, or know anything more than you do right now in order to accept yourself today. Accept that right now, you can’t do any better. Of course that doesn’t mean tomorrow will be the same. Once you accept who and where you are, you can relax and be the best you in the moment. Of course, your best tomorrow can be a lot better than your best today.
Here is an exercise that will help you practice “acceptance” with a recent situation.
Think of one specific time in the past week when you have judged yourself. Answer these questions based on that incident:
What message did I tell myself?
What are the facts of the situation (absent of judgement)?
What would the message have been if I practiced acceptance?
What can I do the next time I’m in the same situation or I’m having the same thoughts?
We are all doing the best we can. Just like the spruce tree at the edge of the tree line at Denali - given our current situation, we are doing the best we can!
Other Resources
The Four Agreements - Book
How To Create Self-Acceptance (And Why You Should) - Article
The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance - Article
This is my interpretation of the copyrighted work of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).
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