Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself
So, I started to write this blog many times and just couldn't find the right words. I still probably don’t have it quite right but this topic keeps coming up for me in many different ways. Maybe it has for you also.
I had an employee once who told me, "sometimes I don't even recognize myself" because of the person I feel I have to be when I come to work. This hit me so hard, I will never forget how it felt. I was sad, disappointed, and frustrated by it and yet, I knew it to be true. Even (to an extent) for me. I spent over 20 years waking up at 5am, getting ready for work, getting dressed in professional attire (hair, makeup, heels - because this is what you were told you had to do), speaking the speak, discussing the political ramification of decisions at nauseum, supporting decisions I didn't believe in, etc. I spent every weekday living some form of this for over 20 years.
I remember being in a certification course when the instructor asked me about my communication style and how well it worked for me - I responded by saying my style was true at work but very different at home. When he said, "wow, it must be exhausting being two different people" I was shocked. Was there an option? In my experience, there was a way to behave and communicate in the corporate world and it was non-negotiable. Fast forward to now, a couple years of being out of that world and I have a much different perspective, I realize that I did have a choice.
Just the other day I was having a very similar conversation with a peer about how difficult it is when you don't feel as though you "belong" in the workplace, when people don’t understand you and what you have to offer. As employees we become "someone we don't recognize" so that we fit into the culture of our company and work team because we want to belong. It shouldn't be that way, that is the opposite of what we are trying to accomplish with diversity. Organizations should not hire for diversity and then expect the employees to assimilate into the company culture. It just doesn't work.
I applaud those organizations that have added "Belonging" to their DEI efforts. To me, this is the key that is missing.
As I see organizations focusing on diversity, my biggest concern is that they are simply taking a numbers approach without considering how to support the diversity through inclusion and belonging. I believe this is a time when leaders need get out in front of their organization and lead the way. It is critical that leaders create an environment where employees feel free to be themselves.
Leadership Coaching Tips:
How well do you know your employees? Be curious - get to know who they are and accept them
Learn both the strengths and interests of your employees so that you can leverage their skills, while not pigeonholing them into an area that does not align with their passion.
Consistently demonstrate empathy to build trusting relationships with your employees. When your employees trust you, they feel as though they have the space to be themselves.
Do you model the behavior you want to see in your employees? Be consistent - set and display expectations for team behavior
Consider your own behavior by looking for ways in which you may be creating a perception of exclusion. This may be as simple as having “go to” people on your team. Be careful not to slip into a pattern of working with / communicating with a select few of your team members.
When you see your employees behaving in a way that creates an environment of inclusion and belonging, recognize it immediately. As a leader you should always reward and recognize the behavior you want repeated.
Other Resources:
Are you looking for new ways to create a sense of belonging among your team? Consider this self-paced course, Empowering Others: Core Coaching Skills
